I am running. I do not know why I am running but I know it is essential that I do not stop. My memory returns as a giant robotic dragon, firing explosive Care Bears at me, emerges from the cornfield I’m fleeing from. Fearlessly, I decide that this bully will not ruin my life with his intimidation tactics and I will confront this steel beast. A quick glance behind me inspires an equally heroic alternative: hiding. I courageously dive into a conveniently placed ditch and hope the dragon passes me by. While bravely hiding in this ditch, I have a worrisome epiphany. A robotic dragon that can utilize explosive Care Bear technology most likely possesses infra-red technology as well. I hear a buzzing noise above my head and, with my eyes closed, peak up to meet my doom. I open my eyes to come face to face with the cold, dead, eyes of my alarm clock. I curse loudly and jump out of my bed with an abundance of panic. The alarm clock reads 8:20 AM.

I do not normally react this way when I view my alarm clock, but today was an exception. The reason for this odd behavior is that I made a contract with my alarm clock the previous night. The contract explicitly states that when I set the alarm clock for 7:30AM and the alarm goes off at that time. Unfortunately, my alarm clock did not seem to honor our agreement as it smugly displays the time. I have to leave for work in 10 minutes.

Guided by fear, I threw on clothing and drove at speeds that make a mockery of highway safety laws. I curse and tailgate any car with the audacity to drive anywhere near the speed limit and pretend that an extra 5 miles per hour will suddenly make my arrival to work on time. During this charade, my stomach voices its displeasure at not receiving its morning tribute of delicious cornflakes. The rest of my body joins in the revolt by issuing a series of yawns, a demand to return to bed. I fight back by viciously shaking of the head, which is not only ineffective but also gives me a slight headache. By the time my head stops hurting, I have reached the office.

At the office, the A.M Program sat in the refrigerator for me. I remembered the energy that I experienced last time and decided to see if it could quell my body’s uprising. A few manly sips later, the A.M. Program was consumed. This batch tasted much better than the previous drink and instantly sedated my stomach’s demands for cornflakes. After a few minutes, the A.M. Program traveled throughout my body and put down the drowsiness uprising. It even went a step further and even replaced this drowsiness with energy! My body was saved thanks to this product! I braced my body for the “tingles“(I am told this is a niacin flush from the B-vitamins) but they were nowhere to be found. I attribute the lack of tingles because of the superior defense my body offers now that I armed it with proper nutrition. I believe I have officially become impervious to harm. We will test this theory later. The rest of the day I was energetic and productive. With a decent taste and no tingles, I would say that today was the day I started believing in this product. I hope one day my belief in Alex Smith will mimic my faith in this drink.